by Dr. Denis Waitley
The Force of Habit: Observation, Imitation, Repetition = Internalization
If, as we said before, it takes only 25 or 30 repeats to form a new habit, then why does making it permanent require at least a year of practice? The reason is: the old patterns remain underneath. If you look back, even if you think about your past mistakes a lot, a link immediately recalls and tries to reassert the old habits.
Here are some action tips for positive habit formation:
First, identify your bad habits. When and where, and why did you learn and develop them? Are you unconsciously imitating peers or negative role models? Do you use them to cover fear or feelings of inadequacy? Emotions that would cause you to seek false comfort in tension-relieving instead of goal-achieving activities?
Two: Learn what triggers your bad habits. Identifying your unwanted patterns makes replacing them easier beginning with the triggers, which are often stress, criticism, guilt, or feelings of rejection. Identify the situations that cause you the most frustration and tension, and plan ways to avoid and reduce them as much as possible.
Three: List the benefits of new habit that would replace the old one. Self-esteem, improved health, longevity, improved relationships, more professional productivity and respect, better focus, enhanced promotion potential, accelerated financial security. Each helps lead to our ultimate goal of lifelong improvement and growth.
Four: Say “Farewell” forever to excuses for mistakes and failures. Accept your imperfection when an old habit begs for attention. Instead of saying, “There I go again,” say, “Next time, I’ll be strong enough to do what’s right.” Instead of thinking, “I’m too tired,” say, “I’ve got the energy to do this and more.” And change, “It’s too late,” to “As soon as I get organized, I know I’ll have the time.”
And Five: Visualize yourself in the new habit patterns of a positive new lifestyle. It takes many simulations and repetitions to spin new cobwebs on top of your old cables. If you want to give up smoking, intentionally sit in nonsmoking areas and request nonsmoking hotel rooms. Substitute Altoids or breath mints when the craving reminds you to reach for a pack. When you catch yourself reverting to an old, negative habit pattern, simply dust yourself off, state a positive affirmation, such as, “That’s not like me. I’m better that that, and I can get back in the success groove.” Expect to do better next time. No harsh words, or recriminations are going to help you move toward your goals. Only a supportive, optimistic approach toward success will take you where you want to go.
In his book, Optimism, the Biology of Hope, Dr. Lionel Tiger makes a strong case for the possibility of a brain function that’s responsible for creating good feelings about the present and the future. Dr. Tiger suggests that we developed this capability in our internal pharmacy ever since prehistoric times when as hunters, we optimistically entertained the idea of a successful hunt, and sufficient food to last through the cold winter months.
He says that people who are pessimistic, depressed, or dependent, tend to look to external means in an attempt to cure their frustrations. Eating mega-doses of sweets, consuming too much alcohol, taking too many vacations, taking feel-good drugs, going on shopping sprees, making too many appointments with psychiatrists or interior decorators, or choosing just to party, party, party, rather rely on their built-in capability to anticipate a bright future.
If you find the source of your bad habits rooted in a pessimistic view on life, you need to change your environment, which help you change your outlook. Congregate with optimistic, successful individuals. Read biographies of people who’ve overcome tremendous odds to win. Volunteer to serve in a community project for people more needy than you are.
Whenever I feel needy, I visit a children’s hospital ward, or orphanage, or visit a senior citizens’ rest home to brighten up their lives. When I substitute thinking about my own problems with actions that help others solve their problems, I gain a new sense of purpose, meaning, and inspiration for being alive. If being around individuals with problems bothers you, then congregate with children who are playing. When I’m around young children laughing, singing, playing, and imagining, I realize how foolish it is to hang on to negative thinking in a world where childhood is as fleeting as life itself, and how all of us are spending time, with no chance to replay or save time already spent.
Now let’s review the 4 Cornerstone Rules of Change, so they stay with you long after this message has been listened to or studied. Keep these rules playing in your mind.
Rule #1: No one can change you, and you can’t change anyone else. You must admit your need, stop denying your problem, and accept responsibility for changing yourself.
Rule #2: Habits aren’t broken, but replaced by layering new behavior patterns on top of the old ones. To change a habit, forget about the 30-day wonder cures. Internalizing permanent change requires a change in culture, as well as structure, and will take a year at the minimum.
Rule #3: A daily routine adhered to over time will become second nature, like brushing your teeth or driving your car. Negative behavior leads to a losing lifestyle, positive behavior to a winning lifestyle. Practice makes permanent in both cases. This point is so obvious that we said it’s often completely overlooked. If you do it right in drill, you’ll do it right in life. Keep training without complaining.
Keep training and sustaining without complaining. Losers engage in pleasurable activities with no particular result in mind. We call this instant gratification. Winners choose activities that will give them long-term positive results. That’s delayed gratification. Delayed gratification is perhaps the most difficult concept to teach people in America today. But it’s really what separates champions from also-rans. It’s the reason immigrants are often able to succeed when they arrive in this country. They’re willing to work at doing things that the majority of the population are not willing to consider.
Here’s what golfing legend Lee Trevino said in an interview: “People often tell me, ‘You’re the luckiest guy in the world. I wish I could do what you do.’ Well they don’t realize is that they probably could. But you’ve got to be willing to sacrifice, whether it’s as a computer operator, a sales executive, or professional golfer. You have to devote a lot of spare moments to the field you’ve chosen. Of course, that means there are a lot of things you’re not going to be able to do, and some of those might be things you enjoy. Maybe you won’t be able to go away on weekends, or go camping or water-skiing, or whatever.
In golf, there are a lot of players with potential, but they won’t sacrifice for their goal. They’d rather quit practicing at 2 o’clock in the afternoon, and go have a beer with the gang. I learned a long time ago,” said Lee Trevino, “that the best philosophy in golf is to hit so many balls that your hands get blistered and calloused. If there’s daylight, there are golf balls to be hit. That’s the best psychology I could ever tell anybody. There’s no such thing as a natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls.” And Lee Trevino ought to know. He’s the fourth all-time money-winner in the history of professional golf. And we all know that Tiger Woods, the leading money winner and Number One player in the world, is relentless in his focus on practicing the correct swing, so that it becomes automatic when the pressure is one.
Think of your body as a high-powered transportation engine, like a Ferrari. What you put in your fuel tank is burned by your high-performance activity, or in the case of
low-octane junk food is deposited in your engine. When you get the urge to stop at a fast-food service station, remember your Ferrari deserves better treatment than that. Drive right by, and go home for a good, nutritious meal, or fresh fruit snacks, or fresh veggies.
When you think of food, think of lean-source protein, complex fiber-based carbohydrates, and nonfat, sugar-free liquids. To weigh less, we must eat less, and exercise more. When we get to our desired weight, we have to continue to eat less and exercise more to maintain the lower weight. For starters, walk twice as much as you have been. In airports, use stairs, and avoid standing when using the moving sidewalks and escalators. Walk during lunch breaks, exercise while watching TV.
Consider exercise every morning for 30 minutes first thing in the morning before breakfast. That way, you burn calories from last night’s dinner, not from what you just ate if you exercise after breakfast. Also, walk in the mornings and the evenings and on weekends. And when you go to a store or mall, park as far away from the entrance as possible.
You’ll not only save time driving around trying to find a parking place, but you’ll burn off unwanted calories during the refreshing round-trip walk. Remember, when the mind talks, the body listens, and acts accordingly.
The most important conversation you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself at 400 words a minute when you’re alone with your thoughts. Like our Olympic athletes, always concentrate your dominant thoughts on the desired results of your fitness program. Write affirmations on a 3×5 card, or program into your PDA or cellphone, and carry them with you wherever you go. Memorize your goals, as if they’d already been accomplished, and repeat them silently to yourself when you’re driving, walking, or sitting by yourself.
Consider recording your own self-talk affirmations in your own voice, with soft music in the background. No words have the impact on your subconscious as your own words in your own voice. Here are a few sample affirmations I use for myself to change my habits. My body is healthy, strong, and trim. I’m reaching my desired weight for the rest of my life. I eat only when I’m hungry. I enjoy my daily exercise and fitness program. I’m full of energy, vitality, and enthusiasm. I eat only when I’m hungry, and I eat only what’s good for me. My body’s flexible, powerful, and aerobically enduring. I take a brisk walk every morning for 30 minutes. I’d rather participate than watch. I’m physically active, and it shows. I like who I see when I look in the mirror. I enjoy being me right now.
And finally, let’s revisit Rule #4. Once you start a new positive habit pattern, stay away from the old, destructive environments. Stay away from delicatessens, fast-food drive-thrus, bakeries, ice cream parlors, and buffets, unless they’re soup and salad bars only. Remember also, no one succeeds very long in isolation. Winners belong to a winning team.
What we need most in life is continuing support and reinforcement of other winners with similar goals. Every week, meet before work, after work, or during lunch, with one or more role models. Form a network with other health-conscious associates in your local community to reinforce your commitment to your wellness program, as well as your business success. In everything you do, think, speak, act, behave, and get the habit of success-by-association. Your mind and body can’t distinguish rehearsal from the main event. It stores as reality whatever you practice.
If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, it probably is becoming a duck, even if it wasn’t a duck in the first place. A friend of mine in Australia has a pet Osprey, which is a member of the hawk family. It was raised as a chick by a family of ducks. You ought to see it try to swim with its talons churning the water, instead of the webbed feet of its adopted brothers and sisters. It doesn’t know it’s not a duck.
Conversely, if it looks like an eagle, flies like an eagle, acts like an eagle, it will become a member of the eagle family. And if you look and act like a leader, you become a leader. Observation, imitation, repetition, and internalization.
You become that to which you are most exposed. Constantly expose yourself to successful individuals, whose personal habits match their professional accomplishments. It’s one of the most important concepts I’ve learned in all of my life.