by Dr. Denis Waitley
The force of habit is your greatest tool for success. We all first make our habits; then our habits make us. And it happens so subtly over time, imperceptibly, quietly, beneath the notice of anyone. Habits are like submarines; they run silent and deep. The chains of our habits are usually too small to be recognized until they’re too strong to be broken.
The Force of Habit: Observation, Imitation, Repetition = Internalization
Listen to this familiar biography: You may know me. I’m your constant companion. I’m your greatest helper. I’m your heaviest burden. I’ll push you onward, or drag you down to failure. I’m at your command. Half the tasks you do might as well be turned over to me. I’m able to do them quickly, and I’m able to do them the same every time, if that’s what you want. I’m easily managed. All you’ve got to do is be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want it done, and after a few lessons, I’ll do it automatically. I’m the servant of all great men and women, and of course, the servant of all the failures, as well. I’ve made all the great winners who’ve ever been great, and I’ve made all the losers, too. But I work with all the precision of a marvelous computer with the intelligence of a human being. You may run me for profit, or you may run me to ruin. It makes no difference to me. Take me! Be easy with me, and I’ll destroy you. Be firm with me, and I’ll put the world at your feet. Who am I? Why, I’m Habit.
First, we observe the behaviors of relatives, friends, or role models. Then we imitate that behavior. Then we repeat and internalize the behavior, and the idea, notion, act, or belief grows layer upon layer from a flimsy cobweb into an unbreakable cable to strengthen or shackle our lives. Unfortunately, bad habits take no holidays. There’s no “Thank God It’s Friday” for these mindless routines.
Instead, like comfortable beds, they’re easy to fall into, but hard to get out of. One thing is certain: if we won’t master our habits, our habits will master us. When we allow unhealthy habits to be our guide and counsel, we give up control of our actions, and find ourselves at the mercy of that blind giant who calls the shots without any concern for our well-being.
However, when we begin to deal with the attitudes and actions that bind us, we give ourselves permission to take control and to build new habit patterns that help us perform to our ultimate potential. There is a critical difference between knowing something and learning how to make it a part of our everyday game plan. The secret is repetition, repetition, repetition. Repetition creates habit. Habit becomes conviction. Conviction controls action. Right now in this instant, you’re engaged in one of the best habits of all: that of experiencing information that will benefit you, rather than frustrate and defeat you.
Advertising executives on Madison Avenue bet their entire careers, and their clients’ enormous budgets on the fact that repeated messages cause subconscious decisions. Every Saturday morning, they teach our kids which brands of cereal they should eat, what kinds of shoes are cool, and which video games, cell phones, CD’s, DVD’s, software, footwear, and toys they should get their parents to buy.
While our brain receives hundreds and hopefully, thousands of inputs each day, it seems that we lock in most aggressively on those that are negative. But the good news is you can change your life by changing your habits. Psychologists have now done scores of scientifically validated studies to find how habits are formed. We now know how to track a habit from the time the sensory nerves carry the message from our hearing, touch, vision, taste and smell to the date processing areas of our brains. The brain then makes a decision, based on this information, and immediately sends the working order through the motor nerves to the appropriate parts of the body demanding action.
It should then come as no surprise that after the body responds the same way to identical stimuli 25 or 30 times, a habit is formed. And here is the most interesting part. Because of this repetition, the message from the sensory nerve learns to jump over to the conditioned motor nerve without a conscious decision by the brain. Think about it. Only 25 or 30 repeats for a habit to be formed, and it becomes like a software program installed in the hard drive of our computers. We don’t think about it; we just run the program. While it seems more difficult to replace a bad habit with a good one, I am pleased to report that the development of good habits enjoys the same precise mathematical formulas. It depends on input, practice, and supporting environment. For a habit to become a permanent part of your life, it takes about a year of committed practice to firmly internalize it and about two years for it to over-ride your past experiences and former bad habits, that have been developed over a lifetime.
There are 4 ideas that we call the 4 Cornerstones of Change. Understanding these 4 concepts will help you understand the right way to develop healthy habits.
Cornerstone #1: No one else can change you. You must first admit the need for change, give up any denial of your role in the problem, and take full responsibility for changing yourself. You must also understand that you can’t change anyone else, either. You can influence and inspire others as a mentor, but they, as individuals, are ultimately responsible for gaining new inputs, practicing them, and surrounding themselves with a team of positive supporters.
Cornerstone #2: Habits are not easily broken; they are replaced by layering new behavior patterns on top of the old ones over time. Since many habits have been internalized for years, it’s foolish to assume that 3 or 4 weeks of training will override the old, destructive patterns. To change any habits, including substance abuse, self-ridicule, eating disorders, and any other destructive lifestyles, forget about the 30-day wonder-cures, the 60-day diet delights, and the get-fit, get-rich-quick fads. Give yourself about a year to internalize permanent change. Be patient. It took a number of years and observation, imitation, and repetition for you to pick up, and store your current habits.
Cornerstone #3: A daily routine adhered to over time will become second nature, like brushing your teeth, or driving your car. Continue to practice your mistakes on the golf driving range, you’ll remain a high-handicap duffer. Learn from a professional, and then practice the correct swing with each club as demonstrated by the pro, and you’ll become the pride of your foursome. Practice makes permanent. Practicing negative behaviors leads to a losing lifestyle. Practicing positive behaviors leads to a winning lifestyle. It’s so obvious, it often completely overlooked, especially by the entertainment and news media, who help form our basic opinions on how the world works. The greatest coaches of the greatest teams, the greatest parents of the greatest kids, and the greatest leaders of the greatest companies and countries use the same basic techniques. Explanation, demonstration, correction, repetition, and affirmation. Remember the idea is to replace habits; not to try to erase them.
And Cornerstone #4: Once you change a habit, stay away from the old, destructive environment. The reason most criminals return to prison is that they make the mistake of returning to their old neighborhoods and their old friends when they’re paroled the first time. No matter how much they regretted their actions while in prison, and want to go straight, they’re easily dragged back into their old ways by exposure to the negative environment.
When dieters reach their desired weight, they usually go back to their former eating routines because their new behavior patterns haven’t been imbedded long enough to make them strong enough to pass by the dessert section of the buffet. Overweight individuals and dieters should stay away from buffet lines.
If you want to stay optimistic and successful, you must hang out in success-related environments. Here are 6 key points to ponder:
First, we make our habits; then our habits make us. The chains of habits are too small to be felt until they’re too strong to be broken.
Second, much of television and entertainment is a growing ground for destructive habits.
Third, children’s habits are a reflection of significant adults in their lives. They’re unaware that habits are being formed.
Four, although most change comes from inner core convictions, it’s possible for external environments, having a consistent flow of new, positive inputs to create new habits and lifestyles.
Five, many habit patterns give way to former destructive habit patterns because the individual attempts to become a new person in the same, old environment.
And Six: Habits don’t discriminate. They’re the masters of every failure, and the servants of every leader who has ever lived.