Did you know that there are only six key elements to moving beyond where you are now in any area of your life? It could be that you want to have more balance, it could be that you want to be healthier or in better physical condition. You might want to go beyond where you are with your finances or your career success. You may have a business that you know needs to move passed where it is now or your goal may be to get closer to your family in more involved in your community. All of these would be examples of areas where you could be ready to blow the lid off of sameness. The key elements are:
- What is status quo?
- What areas of my life am I settling for it in?
- What’s keeping me there?
- What would life look like beyond it?
- What one component would drive me passed it?
- What six ingredients will create dynamite to blow the lid off of it?
Today we’re going to spend a little bit of, but oh-so-powerful time, on what’s holding you where you are. It could be that you can’t get those pounds off that you’ve longed to lose. It may be that you can’t seem to make any more money than you’ve made. It might be relationships that you want to improve or create. Or it could be that you want to move beyond depression or boredom and add joy, excitement and power to your life. No matter what area or areas you may be settling for sameness in… this information WILL change that once you embrace it. What’s tying you to your status quo? What’s holding us in the place we don’t want to stay? It’s fear. Nearly 100% of the time, its fear that ties us down to everything. But the things that drive us can cut those strings! And the number one fear for almost all of us is the fear of facing ourselves. We don’t want to see something, we don’t want to acknowledge it, so we compensate with over eating, over spending, drinking too much, sexual or drug addictions… or other negative and harmful displays of avoidance. The five sources of the fear are easy to understand. Once we identify which one is our culprit, which one is the one holding us down, we can notice it each time it shows up and choose not to succumb. The sources of the fear are:
1. The fear of abandonment. This occurs when, as children, we have a parent or key adult in our life that is present, not present, present, not present and the pattern continues that way. Children need consistency. We consequently grow up and look for people to leave us. Actually we set things up so they will. When we find ourselves in a trusting, close relationship we make the other person make promises they can’t possibly keep and when they let us down, we say, “See, I knew I wouldn’t be able to count on you.” This fear ties us to status quo because the people who can most often help us get out of this hole are the very ones we push away.
2. The fear of neglect. Again founded in childhood, when a key adult simply isn’t there, we grow up feeling as if something is missing. We go about our life looking for the missing something and when a close relationship occurs we many times bolt because we fear the intimacy of the relationship. Primary because we know something was missing, but we’re unsure how to handle it. This one holds back for the same reason abandonment does. The people who are good for us will begin to build close relationships with us- so to guide us or support us. We get nervous and bolt. There we are again… tied inside of status quo by our fear.
3. The fear of failure. This one may surprise you. While we want to call it fear of failure, it’s actually fear if disappointment. The truth is we don’t want to feel disappointed in ourselves. Fear of failure is the culprit if, when you think of changing and growing and find yourself with thoughts in the back of your mind like, “I’m not going to succeed at this. I won’t do it. I’ll mess it up again.” The truth is this fear is associated with not wanting to own something. We don’t want to say we will because if we don’t, we don’t want to have to face it. We call it fear of failure when really it’s the best example of not wanting to take personal responsibility, take a risk and face ourselves.
4. The fear of success. Now this one stumps many of us. Fear of success? How in the world does that work? I wondered it too, for a long time. That is, until, I realized it had become my biggest fear. This fear occurs because you fear your life becoming so different that you won’t recognize it. You fear not being with the people you’ve gotten accustomed to. You fear losing your identity in a sense. The ’story’ that has always defined you is no more. The uneducated, poor, beaten down or oppressed past would be something you’re not longer associated with and you’re not sure what you’d do with out it. You fear being able to function in a ‘better, bigger’ world so you set things up to stay exactly where you are.
5. Lastly, but never least… the ever popular fear of change…fear of the unknown. Simply because you don’t know exactly what it will be like, you don’t take the chance on it. This one is closely tied to fear of failure. You could have yourself so convinced that it will go badly, that you don’t consider how it could go phenomenally well!!
If you react and get angry… this is a display of fear. If you deny being afraid… that in and of itself is a display of fear. If you withdraw and go inside of yourself, it’s fear at the root and it if you worry, that’s fear showing up too. Typically aggressive personalities display fear with anger or denial. Passive personalities display fear with withdrawal or worry.
How do you use this knowledge to get passed the status quo? Easy! When you get angry or start to worry just ask yourself the question, “What am I afraid of right now?” Once you identify it, you can own it and overcome it! So… what are YOU afraid of?