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Did you know that there are only six key elements to moving beyond where you are now in any area of your life? It could be that you want to have more balance, it could be that you want to be healthier or in better physical condition. You might want to go beyond where you are with your finances or your career success. You may have a business that you know needs to move passed where it is now or your goal may be to get closer to your family in more involved in your community. All of these would be examples of areas where you could be ready to blow the lid off of sameness. The key elements are:
Today we’re going to spend a little bit of, but oh-so-powerful time, on what’s holding you where you are. It could be that you can’t get those pounds off that you’ve longed to lose. It may be that you can’t seem to make any more money than you’ve made. It might be relationships that you want to improve or create. Or it could be that you want to move beyond depression or boredom and add joy, excitement and power to your life. No matter what area or areas you may be settling for sameness in… this information WILL change that once you embrace it. What’s tying you to your status quo? What’s holding us in the place we don’t want to stay? It’s fear. Nearly 100% of the time, its fear that ties us down to everything. But the things that drive us can cut those strings! And the number one fear for almost all of us is the fear of facing ourselves. We don’t want to see something, we don’t want to acknowledge it, so we compensate with over eating, over spending, drinking too much, sexual or drug addictions… or other negative and harmful displays of avoidance. The five sources of the fear are easy to understand. Once we identify which one is our culprit, which one is the one holding us down, we can notice it each time it shows up and choose not to succumb. The sources of the fear are:
1. The fear of abandonment. This occurs when, as children, we have a parent or key adult in our life that is present, not present, present, not present and the pattern continues that way. Children need consistency. We consequently grow up and look for people to leave us. Actually we set things up so they will. When we find ourselves in a trusting, close relationship we make the other person make promises they can’t possibly keep and when they let us down, we say, “See, I knew I wouldn’t be able to count on you.” This fear ties us to status quo because the people who can most often help us get out of this hole are the very ones we push away.
2. The fear of neglect. Again founded in childhood, when a key adult simply isn’t there, we grow up feeling as if something is missing. We go about our life looking for the missing something and when a close relationship occurs we many times bolt because we fear the intimacy of the relationship. Primary because we know something was missing, but we’re unsure how to handle it. This one holds back for the same reason abandonment does. The people who are good for us will begin to build close relationships with us- so to guide us or support us. We get nervous and bolt. There we are again… tied inside of status quo by our fear.
3. The fear of failure. This one may surprise you. While we want to call it fear of failure, it’s actually fear if disappointment. The truth is we don’t want to feel disappointed in ourselves. Fear of failure is the culprit if, when you think of changing and growing and find yourself with thoughts in the back of your mind like, “I’m not going to succeed at this. I won’t do it. I’ll mess it up again.” The truth is this fear is associated with not wanting to own something. We don’t want to say we will because if we don’t, we don’t want to have to face it. We call it fear of failure when really it’s the best example of not wanting to take personal responsibility, take a risk and face ourselves.
4. The fear of success. Now this one stumps many of us. Fear of success? How in the world does that work? I wondered it too, for a long time. That is, until, I realized it had become my biggest fear. This fear occurs because you fear your life becoming so different that you won’t recognize it. You fear not being with the people you’ve gotten accustomed to. You fear losing your identity in a sense. The ’story’ that has always defined you is no more. The uneducated, poor, beaten down or oppressed past would be something you’re not longer associated with and you’re not sure what you’d do with out it. You fear being able to function in a ‘better, bigger’ world so you set things up to stay exactly where you are.
5. Lastly, but never least… the ever popular fear of change…fear of the unknown. Simply because you don’t know exactly what it will be like, you don’t take the chance on it. This one is closely tied to fear of failure. You could have yourself so convinced that it will go badly, that you don’t consider how it could go phenomenally well!!
If you react and get angry… this is a display of fear. If you deny being afraid… that in and of itself is a display of fear. If you withdraw and go inside of yourself, it’s fear at the root and it if you worry, that’s fear showing up too. Typically aggressive personalities display fear with anger or denial. Passive personalities display fear with withdrawal or worry.
How do you use this knowledge to get passed the status quo? Easy! When you get angry or start to worry just ask yourself the question, “What am I afraid of right now?” Once you identify it, you can own it and overcome it! So… what are YOU afraid of?
Whew, bold title, huh? I suppose so. But it’s the right one. Sometimes I awake in the middle of the night. Most times I pray and ask God why He woke me up. “What do you want to tell me?” or some words similar to those are how I pray. Then I lay there waiting to see what in myself, my relationships or my company that I obviously need to see. Many times I will also get out of bed, write some notes down, work on my computer, read or create something. A most recent time was no different. This particular time the thoughts running through my mind when I awoke were not exactly happy ones.
My mind raced as I ran through our company frantically. All that my mind would go to was what WASN’T being done. I seemed to roam office by office in my mind, seeing what wasn’t happening and goals that weren’t being accomplished by each department. YIKES, what was happening to me?!?! I’m the original positive girl! I KNOW we become, create or attract what we think about. I know this!!! I had to figure out a way to stop this!! I figured it out!
Not only was I able to turn my thoughts and attitude in a positive and productive direction, I was able to make a plan for changing things and arose from my bed with a decision to RADICALLY CHANGE MY LIFE!! I got up inspired and ready to run excitedly head- on into my day!! While your experience may not occur while lying in bed, you CAN cause everything — yep, that said EVERYTHING — about your life to begin heading in the direction you’d like it to head. Interested? Read on…
1. CELEBRATE WHAT’S BEEN DONE WELL. First I stopped the thoughts of negativity, blame, and disappointment. How do you do this? The same way you change anything else; you replace it with something new. I replaced the negative thoughts with thoughts of celebration of what had been done well, thoughts of achievement and rejoicing and pride in those I work with. I made a list of all the things that were being done well, goals that had been hit. I suggest to you today that is your first step to radically changing your life.
2. WHAT GOALS AREN’T BEING ACHIEVED?
If things are going to change, I had to face what needed changed, so next I thought through the things that needed improvement. What wasn’t working? What goals weren’t being achieved? Where were we falling short? What programs weren’t being implemented? What systems and tools weren’t being used? The second step to radical improvement in your life is to look honestly at what you want that isn’t occurring.
3. IS THE PERSON MORE THAN WILLING…ARE THEY ABLE?
4. WHAT IS MY PART IN HELPING THEM, AND AM I DOING IT?
Next, I asked myself two questions that required brutally honest answers. One, was each person on my team able to do these things? I didn’t have to ask myself if they were willing. They’re all willing. They’re amazing people who have loyalty and desire to serve others and see us achieve as a part of their very core. They were willing indeed, but were they capable of doing what needed to be done? Do they have the skill, or the ability to acquire the skill? This answer might not be one I liked, but I had to face it if radical change was going to take place.
I also had to ask a question of ME. Coming to the realization I was coming to, was I willing to do what needed to be done? For you see, a good leader asks the first question in this paragraph with the realization that all things reflect the leader. Did those around me know how to do what needed to be done? Had I trained them? Did they know the goal? How much of the goal not being achieved was MY responsibility? Are you ready for the answer? ALL OF IT!! That’s right, if we’re to radically change our lives for the better, we need to take responsibility for our lives in the first place. Now, while I can’t make someone capable who isn’t, I can take responsibility for training, expectation and follow-up. Had I been the leader I needed to be?
5. WHAT’S THE SPECIFIC PLAN FOR ACHIEVING THE GOAL? WHAT CHANGES NEED TO TAKE PLACE?
Lastly, what is the specific plan for ACHIEVING THE GOAL? This is where too many of us fall short and don’t realize it. We set a goal, but don’t think enough about the plan we need to make, or we don’t follow through in order to achieve the goal. If our goal is to lose a certain number of pounds or get into a particular size, what exercises do you have to do in order to achieve that goal? What kinds of foods do you need to eat? What types of things are you going to add to your routine to help keep you motivated, educated and on track? Some of us do ok up to this point (some of us don’t though). This is where so many of us make a mistake–We need a plan to do what needs done like exercising, eating the right foods and adding the motivation and education to our daily routine. Without a plan to fit exercise in, eat the right foods in the correct amounts and keep the motivation levels up the weight loss can’t happen. The goal happens when we do what needs done. Now, what’s the plan to make THESE THINGS happen!!!??? What’s the plan for fixing what needs to be fixed? Remember, there’s ALWAYS a solution!!! Simply ask yourself what needs to change. If something isn’t working what changes could make it work?
Now, my friend, it’s time to get out of bed! You can go through these questions every morning, then get up ready to make positive changes and do what needs done, or you can get up and head into the same life of not achieving that you’ve been used to living. Every morning can be a new and exciting beginning, or a repeat of the same old, same old. Will today be the day for your radical change?
We’ve all heard the question 100 times. Do you see the glass half full or half empty? The point of the question is to allow us a glimpse at what our perspective on life is. Today I write to share something I’ve realized over the last couple of years. First I should tell you I was very blessed as a child to be raised by an optimistic, faith-filled, sales entrepreneur. She faced all kinds of adversity and always made it through. Therefore, my outlook on life was and is one of possibilities, solutions and creative objectives. For years I’ve lived by the words THERE’S ALWAYS A SOLUTION. Today we cleave to them at our home office. However, we all know those nasty Motivation Assassinators linger at every turn just waiting to steal our joy, kill our hope and destroy our dreams–well, I recently realized they exist to turn a positive outlook negative too.
“NOW HOLD ON A MINUTE!!!! Donna, you’re the one who says not to blame-cast. You’re the one who says it isn’t someone or something else that determines how we look at life!”
Yes, it’s true. That’s what I say. And it’s what I’m saying today as well. The title says it all. If our perception has changed and we find ourselves thinking things like, “She really hurt me, or he let me down, or they always disappoint me,” we need to realize our perspective had to have changed first. OUR perspective–did you get that? Ours’, not someone else’s… is the only thing we can control. How we see the world–not what someone else is doing or saying is what determines our perspective. Ok, so back to my example.
The glass story should have four types of illustrations, not two. While there are those who see the glass half full and look at the positives in life, and there are those who see it half empty and regularly tend to see what’s wrong… there are two other groups. Ask yourself which one you are. The third group looks at the glass and says something like, “At the rate of evaporation that glass is going to be completely EMPTY before long! And the final group thinks to them self, “The glass could be COMPLETELY full nearly all the time! Let’s make a plan to go over there and get some more water to pour into the glass so it’s always full!” This is one of those hard questions. The hard questions are the great questions. Which person are you? How do you view the world around you?
Perspective is one of the most powerful things in the universe. If the glass example doesn’t help you, maybe these facts will. A negative perspective is most likely present when you react more than you respond. If universal terms are used by you, negative perspective may have its hold. Terms like ‘always, never, ever and everyone‘ are universal terms. It’s a negative outlook that gets credit if you say things like, “That won’t work, it can’t happen, it’s going to fail, no one is any good at this.” One with a negative lean puts conditions on life and therefore has trouble experiencing true joy. They say ‘if’ a lot and find the reasons too often that something is going to be hard rather than point out why something will work. To my ‘there’s always a solution’ comment, a negative perspective might say, “Well, there isn’t one today is there?” A positive outlook is yours if you truly… in your heart of hearts… expect things to go well, and you speak that out loud. It’s a positive expectancy that’s demonstrated when you see the talent in others, the ability and the willingness to learn in the world around you. The adage is true. People live up to and down to our expectations. What do you truly expect from others? A positive outlook is one that people are drawn to. The human race is one that longs for hope-filled words and ideas of inspiration. If you find that folks like to sit in your presence and/or learn of life from you, your outlook may just be a good one! In the face of adversity a positive lean says things like, “This too shall pass, there is a way to solve this,” and points out all the good in something. A positive outlook brings energy to a room–a negative one drains it. A positive lean laughs out loud, sings and smiles on the way to work rather than walking in the door and turning ‘on’. Now before you go beating yourself up remember we all have our days. Sometimes we just have to put on a brave face and that’s a good thing. The main thing to remember is that it’s who we are when no one is watching that says everything about us. What do you catch yourself thinking about the world around you, about the people you work with, about your opportunity to be a world-changer through this company? Does it all excite you or do you focus on what’s wrong with the picture? Do you think to yourself reasons things will probably not get done the way you hope they will or do you look at the world around you and just KNOW things are going to be GREAT?
Not to worry if you’ve discovered your outlook on life is less optimistic than you want it to be. The neat thing about perspective is that it can change! It’s about setting the tone for our day, our career, and our life. Simply practice gratitude. Of course you realize in order to truly succeed at something practice needs to occur on a steady, on-going basis. So practice, practice, practice being truly appreciative of the world around you. Remember, it only takes 21 days form a new habit, so you’ll be seeing the world in a wondrously joyous way in no time!!!! You’ll find your perspective beginning to head in a very positive direction. Notice all that’s going well in your life, your work, your relationships. FIND THE GOOD AND TALK ABOUT IT. You’re going to be very surprised to find how easy it is to find the good things that are happening around you. Even if your outlook has been a negative one, finding the good is like magic in turning it around. Finally, a real key to leaning an outlook in a positive direction— clinging to a vision!
Joel Osteen says, “You’ll never rise above your level of thinking,” so think and believe BIG!! Imagine you’re riding your bike. If all you do is look down at the road right under your wheel, you may see the pothole underneath you, BUT you will miss the glorious scenery and even the hills up ahead. Looking out in front of you allows you to see all that’s coming, the beautiful view and the inclines too. You can plan, gage your speed and take in the wonders of nature. Please don’t let a negative outlook ruin all your life can be. People are out here just LONGING to bless you–will you let them? What’s your lean?
Today we’ll cover how knowing the reason for your goal, or your ‘why’ is absolutely CRUCIAL to you staying focused. We have an awesome exercise to help you embrace this reality as your own. I’ll also share a few precious tid bits on how to overcome obstacles that can tend to distract you from what you need to do in order to hit your goal.
For years perhaps you’ve set goals you believed you were excited about. You determined you were going to do it this time. You left a seminar, finished a book or program and said, “That’s it!!! I’m ready!! This time I WILL achieve my goal! I really want it!! I’m going to do it!” Sure enough, though, the Motivation Assassinator of Lack of Focus struck and you looked up one day only to discover you weren’t achieving the goal—actually you weren’t even working on it any longer! I can tell you- this has certainly happened to me. Once I acknowledged my powerful ‘why’ things began to happen and haven’t stopped happening! I’m seeing my goal become reality! What if I told you that it is possible to have such a burning, powerful ‘why’ that your goal not only stays in the front of your mind at all times, but is also buried in your heart constantly too!
Imagine a 20 ft. 2×4. You know, the piece of wood used in constructing a home. If you lay that 2×4 on the floor directly in front of you, do you believe you could walk across it? It’s 4 inches wide, so I’m sure you might walk heel to toe, but most people say, “Of course I could do that!” Ok, so you believe you could do that. Now, what if we place a cement block under each end so it’s sitting approximately 12 inches off the ground. Do you believe you could still do it? Again, most say, “Yes, I did it already. I could do it again.” Great!! Sure you could! Ok, so what if we suspend the board between 2, 30 story buildings. Do you believe you could walk across it now? Most times people just look at me with a blank stare, fearful even. This is different. I don’t know if I believe it or not, actually I probably don’t. Fair enough. Now imagine this. Your standing on top of one of the thirty story buildings and the other building is on fire. And standing on the roof of the other building is the person you love most in this world. It may be your baby (even if your baby is 30 years old). It might be a parent, spouse, sibling, best friend, whomever. But whoever it is, the flames are going to consume them. Can you get across the board now? The answer always comes back a resounding, “You better believe it!’ I’ll crawl, hang or dangle, but I’ll get there!”
Well, gang, you just came up with one seriously powerful ‘why’. I call this the Burning Baby question. You got across the board to the other building because the one you loved most, the biggest why you could imagine was about to burn! So, with regard to your goal— what’s your ‘burning baby’? You need one if the goal is to be continually focused on. To weigh a certain weight or look a certain way is but a vanity goal. There is nothing wrong with a vanity goal; it’s just going to provide a temporary result. Burning baby goals produce permanent results because they matter so much to you. What’s your burning baby with regard to the goal you have? This will be the key factor in you staying focused on your goal and thereby achieving it.
Let’s talk every day distractions like email, voice mail, interruptions and TV. Set a specific time, two or three a day if necessary, to check your email and voice mail. Do NOT check it all the time or have it sitting on your task bar open. These things are seductive and their goal is to attack our focus. And they always achieve their goal! Schedule meetings and/or appointments with yourself and don’t permit interruptions. Trust me, if the building is crashing down around you, someone will let you know. Otherwise, remember your ‘burning baby’ and don’t let interruptions occur. Set an hour or so for a program you like to watch, and then call it quits for the night. Be sure the program is sending a positive message to your brain, not a negative one. Your focus gets foggy and time gets robbed (a serious focus stealer) when you spend too much time putting negative stuff into your mind. Remember, we become what we think about. And the more you put negative into your mind, the tougher it is to focus on your goal naturally. And there’s the secret. To allow focus to become a natural thing for you here is one last tip. Figure out through journaling what distracts you. It might be music, turn it off. It might be phones ringing elsewhere in the building, close the door. It might be talking too long in a meeting, set an agenda and stick to it, save the other information for another time.
Want to see your motivation maintained this time and the goal achieved? Be healthy selfish with your focus. It’s the vital factor to you finally hitting that goal permanently.
